Today was not a good day. It hasn’t been for the last eleven years. Truth is, I don’t think it’s ever going to be a good day. It’s forever going to be a day tinged with sadness and regret.
Regret for all the things I didn’t say and regret for all things I did say but didn’t mean.
Looking back is hard. Mistakes are painful.
Death is mind numbing. And back then at 24, despite the countless number of funerals I’d already attended it was this one that blew me off my feet.
Nothing prepares you for losing a parent. My mum. She was 58. I thought she’d see seventy at least.
Enya was her favourite. It was played at her funeral. So, I find myself reminiscing and trying to listen to the song without crying. It’s not easy.
One day though.
And… I had this post all written out and then it got eaten by gremlins.
So, I’m forced to rewrite it.
24th of July on a personal level is hell. Every year I dread the clock ticking over to today because nobody likes to be reminded of tragic events in their past. I’m certainly no different.
And today, well today marks the anniversary of my mum’s rather unexpected passing. Worse… today marks 10 years since she passed away.
And it’s no less easier than the year before. It’s hard and sad, cause my kids don’t remember her… two never got to meet her… which is crappy.
Anticipating the sadness and tears and the general blanket fort and tv binge that was in store for me given the nature of today, I attempted to put a positive spin on today.
In doing so, I gave myself a deadline. Finish Nightshade by today. Sadly, that didn’t quite happen. Life, as they say, got in the way.
But I am closer to finishing the novel at least. Which is a good thing and I’m trying not to dwell on everything else. At least for the moment.
Since I wasn’t successful in my endeavour, I’ll leave you with a question to ponder, until next time…
What do you do when you miss a writing deadline? Let me know in the comments. Because I am rather curious and desperately in need of a distraction.